I am way behind on writing my blog. I have been wondering why and found the reason yesterday. On Facebook a ‘friend of a friend’ announced she is co-authoring a book about perfectionism. I was remarking that I have given up my long-term addiction to being perfect. I spent many years trying to be perfect, and hiding so that others would not see my imperfections. I was kind of thinking that I had the ‘issue’ all taken care of. But the conversation with my friend and then with myself, helped me to realize that the lack of blog entries really is all about still hiding.
One of the things I wrote on her post was the paradox that; “It is when I attempt to fail that I obtain perfection.” I had to listen to myself there! Time to embrace the perfection of being imperfect!
One of the main points I make when talking about Communication Systems, is that we need to move away from the expert model. I found a great example last week on NPR. They ran into a story about Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer at Facebook. She talks about how she has a few favorite posters their offices; “Move Fast and Break Things”, “Done is Better than Perfect”, and “Fail Harder”. This move toward letting go of perfectionism is happening in successful businesses.
The belief that we could be perfect has very much affected our ability to communicate and be in dialogue with each other. We don’t speak up because someone will tell us how we are wrong. We don’t like conversations which involve really discussing differing ideas because they are chaotic and “messy”. Certainly perfectionism isn’t the only thing to blame for our limited conversations, but it does play a part.
What if we just started talking? What if we were willing to “look stupid”, in order to learn more about each other and have a meaningful conversation? What if all we needed to do was to have as many conversations as possible without being worried about doing them “right”, or being “right”? I know that as I have let go of being perfect I have become much more honest, more real, more vulnerable, more humble and more connected to people around me. I am willing to talk about things I didn’t before, I am willing to actually ask for help and let others support me. I am happier, more compassionate, and more willing to allow others to not be perfect either! All in all, being perfect is a waste of time, and being human is the freedom to be me.
Any conversation is a good conversation, the messier, the better! “Move fast and break things!”