Originally published 7/16/2014
Are you holding on to an old definition of community?
What is your definition of community, what does it look like to you? Do you believe that it looks like neighbors who live next to you for 30 years? Does it include grandma and aunts and uncles who you get to spend a lot of time with? Does it mean that you go to church with people you feel totally comfortable with? Is your community of people those who live near you? Is it made up of people who you consider friends and those who share values and beliefs? Is it only defined by those who have the identical passions and activities? Does it mean that you don’t get mad, disagree or share when you are hurt?
What if we are all defining community in ways that are out-of-date and too small? It’s clear to me that change doesn’t happen until we can imagine it. Perhaps the first step to healing our communities and our world is to start to use a new definition of community and then believe it is possible.
How will we ever experience community as it used to be defined when no one lives on the same street, in the same town, or even in the same state as most of their relatives? We are not going to stay in the same home with the same neighbors for 10 years much less 30 anymore. How can we have community when our faith communities fall apart over disagreements? How can we have community ever again when our country is now multi-religious and multi-ethnic and finding our “tribe” with the exact same beliefs and values looks impossible? Is one reason that we are lacking in community partially because we expect it to be “like it used to”.
New community is coming
The definition of community from our past is done, out-of-date. It’s time for a new experience of community. We are on the brink of defining and then creatingcommunity in a way that we have not imagined before.
There isn’t a name for this type of community yet. I can’t find any words big enough, or that leave enough room so that we don’t limit it by naming it. Peter Block talks about Transforming Community in his book, Community, The Structure of Belonging. “The key to creating or transforming community, then, is to see the power in the small but important elements of being with others.” [i](p.10) M. Scott Peck called it, True Community; where we enter a place of complete empathy with one another.
If we were willing to imagine community in a way that was new and bigger, what would it be like? If community could be; true-authentic-Christian-faithbased-centered-real-deep-transforming-meaningful; is it possible that it could be like this?
- Being in the same physical location with others will no longer matter.
- You will feel deep belonging and connection with a group of diverse people who aren’t “the same” as you are.
- You will experience warm, fuzzy feelings for someone who annoys the hell out of you and has opinions that you don’t agree with.
- When you need help you can think of 5 different people to call and you are willing to ask for it.
- In this community no one is marginalized; the elderly or young, rich or poor, white or black, Hispanic or Thai, the loud or shy, the bike rider or the Humvee driver, silly or the serious, the vegan or the carnivore.
- We will know that we can BE authentic and unique and not have others try to change us.
- We can make mistakes and be vulnerable without fear.
- Conversation and communication will be honored and integral to how we operate together.
- Others will encourage us to speak our truth so that they can listen.
- Our diversity and differences will be the fuel we use to co-create solutions to issues that in the past were unsolvable.
- We will feel supported by the connections we have with others in our community.
- Power will be defined by it’s true meaning and have nothing to do with control.
- In conversations we won’t have to agree but will offer diverse ideas.
- Community will no longer be defined by those who are “like us”. In new community our ‘people’ will be of diverse faith, ideas, theology, race, culture ……
- We will feel safe and act with courage.
- We will view all as sacred.
Does this seem like a dream that is too big? In our current experience this definition of community might seem highly unlikely. Some of us have experienced little pieces of this as possible and others can’t imagine it at all. But if no one commits to creating this definition of community then how will we stop wars, how will we heal those who head to our schools and malls to shoot people, how will we create social justice, how will we find a way to stop injuring our environment? And how will each of us become the full creations that we came here to be?
Don’t begin by thinking that we have to make this happen everywhere at once. Start with a commitment to create this new community in your home. Start with a commitment to find a group of people willing to create this new community within that small group. Start by creating a team of people willing to hold the vision and build the new community in your faith community. Start by acting towards others with acceptance and openness. Listen to someone you don’t believe you agree with and see what you might have in common.
Don’t’ we just need to begin where we are? The thing that I have seen in my work and can guarantee you to be true is that you are surrounded by people who are yearning for the new community just like you are. We are all waiting for it. We are all waiting for someone else to open the door to the possibility. What if you are that person?
I think it is going to be easier than we think. –actually I know it is going to be easier. I have seen people’s reactions when the door to the possibility opens.
New community is what I am committed to help create. I am here to tell you that when we turn on the flow of living communication we will be able to create it. We can let go of our hold on conversations that are competitions. We can let go of assuming that when we speak we will be rejected. We can stop believing that what others think of us matters. Begin by letting go of your old definition of community. Be willing to open your hands so that you are open to the possibility of this new community.
Start with a new definition of community.
Reflective Exercise and Questions:
- Sit for a quiet moment after reading this piece. Pay attention to your calm breathing.
- What feelings came up for you as you read this? Write down each feeling.
- What are some assumptions you currently have about the community you belong to?
- What is your best experience of community? Do you believe that your best experience is as good as it gets?
- What are a few things that you would like to believe is possible in community that you have never experienced before? Write them down and post them as affirmations in a visible place.
- Think of one or two people- or even a group of people- who might be willing to talk with you about the possibility of creating new community. Invite them to come to a conversation.
- In what ways can you take actions immediately to “act” like you would in the new community?
[i] Block, Peter., (2008). Community, The Structure of Belonging. Berrett-Koehler. San Francisco CA.